Dear Somebody
by bearlybreathing
Summary: Ashley is lost and when all her hope is gone one thing, one person, one pair of blue eyes, can bring her back and remind her that loss is just one step of living, but love is the biggest and perhaps both the hardest and most powerful.
1. Chapter 1

_**Dear Mom,**_

_**Its been exactly a year today since I lost you. Its been a long and lonely year. I graduated like I know you wanted me to. I refused to walk across that stage and parade in a cap and gown, just to look into the crowd and not see you there. I know I am suppose to feel you everywhere and to carry you in my heart, but right now I'm unable to see anything past my anger. I'm trying mom. I really am. I'm in search of anything that can make me feel like life is worth all the hurt it thrusts into our hands. Do you remember that time you took me on the train for the first time? We spent all day at that lake and you let me waste a whole loaf of bread feeding the ducks. I want that back. I'm going to find away to feel that good about life again. I think that lake holds my hope for regaining my faith back. **_

Ashley rubbed her tired and red eyes. She had been waiting for the train to arrive in a small café located within the train station. To be honest she didn't even know that trains where as popular as they seemed to be today. People where bustling in and out like the beginning of a sad music video or the dramatic end to a sappy chick flick that she secretly loved and probably owned. Well use to own. After selling everything from the house her and her mother once lived in and then finally selling the house, which proved to be a year long venture, she had with her a small bag of all she truly cared about or needed for hygiene requirements. It also gave her enough money in a bank account to live off of for a long while, especially since it was only her now.

Ashley had made a deal with herself at the beginning of all of this that she would only allow herself three days to truly let go and cry. One being the actual day her mother passed, another being mothers day, and the last would be her mothers birthday. In retrospect that didn't allow a lot of time for her to cry and to really find closer with all of it. But that was how Ashley was. She was a 'deal with it later' kind of girl. She had always been this way, any way to push change to the back of her mind for as long as it could, until it blew up in her face. She called it being strong but anyone else would call it stupid. She was finally ready to deal with this and to let go of the anger she had surrounding her heart. Therapist after therapist and she knew how to grow up, and it was by finding her faith again. Not just that but hope. Hope that her whole life isn't as tragic as the final breaths her mother took in her arms.

That was just it. It wasn't the fact that she had lost her mother at such a long age, 18. It was the fact that her innocence and her childhood was gone as soon as the doctor said it was stage 4 cancer. She was 16. Two years. Two years of being a caregiver. Two years of failed chemo and radiation. Two years of giving everything she had to trying to cure her mother, and it didn't work. She had failed. It wasn't that she lost her it was that she had seen, heard, and dealt with more than any person should in their entire life in two years. All for nothing.

Two years of prayer. In the morning when she woke up. Before every meal. before she fell asleep. In the middle of the night when she would wake up suddenly just to make sure she was still breathing. How many lost prayers. And that was what bothered her most. All that faith and hope she had. Lost now and replaced with anger. that's what killed her the most. The lose of faith. that's what this journey was about. Finding understanding. She hadn't hit her knees and brought her hands together in a year, because in her mind there was no reason, and if there was in was lost in the headstone that read her mothers name. She wanted that reason again and she was going to find it. Some how.

Ashley was ready to board the train and she smiled as sweetly as she could muster as she let the man punch her ticket. That smile not quite reaching her eyes or making her nose crinkle. She pulled her bag from around her shoulder and placed in in the seat beside her, hoping that would keep someone from seating next to her. She looked at her reflection in the window and what stared back at her was shocking to the brown eyed girl, as her eyes were the only thing that resembled the girl she once knew.

Her hair was short. She had cut it in a felicity manner, thinking it would be a change and a new start. She liked it, it fit her better. She laughed to herself as the thought of her 'growing' into the lesbian she always knew she was. She hated that word. Lesbian. She laughed again as she thought it sounded like a disease. She didn't dress like a 'normal' girl and she was more than a tomboy. She was constantly called sir and older women thought she was a 'charming young man' when she opened or held doors for them. It didn't bother her though. Well not anymore. It was who she was and she liked herself. It may of taken her awhile to but she did.

Growing up in a small town in North Carolina will make you repressed and will make it hard to accept who you are but it wasn't impossible, especially when your parents or parent is as supported and Ashley's mother was. Was. Its a struggle everyday but she wasn't about to change this part of her. She already lost her mother she wasn't loosing herself too.

The train jerked and started slowly picking up speed. Ashley laid her head against the window and closed her eyes letting the vibration on the train calm her nerves and let her drift off to sleep. It was a familiar feeling, one you would get if you leaned your head against the car window on a long trip, but just a little more aggressive. She was in a state of middle sleep. That resting point where you're not exactly asleep but you're not awake. She had a feeling of not being alone anymore and she opened her eyes to see a girl around her age sitting in front of her.

The way the sun was hitting her threw the window made her look like an angel. As if the sun was surrounding her but careful not to actually touch her. Ashley was so taken back by her that she slammed her eyes closed as if she had just seen something she wasn't suppose to. As if she had imposed. She slowly, one eye at a time, opened her eyes again, taking in the sight. The sun had changed positions but she still was breathtakingly beautiful. In away that Ashley couldn't describe or put a finger on. Natural, maybe. She too had a bag with her but it was more of a small duffle bag or tote thing. Not that Ashley knew exactly what either one of those things where. In fact Ashley carried a wallet, in her back pocket, so purses of any kind were not in her vocabulary.

The other girl looked up from her book and caught Ashley starring, most likely with her mouth wide open. The other girl shyly looked back to her book as her cheeks turned a slight red. _**Well that's embarrassing**_ thought Ashley. She mentally smacked her forehead and then let her mind wonder to the V8 commercials. And then she giggled which caused the other girl to look at her weirdly. _**Way to go Ashley now you're crazy. **_

Ashley tried to calm her nerves again and rest her head back on the window seal and close her eyes, but she could feel eyes on her. That odd burning sensation when you know you are being looked at sent chills down her spine and she couldn't take the anticipation anymore as she looked up and met the girls eyes._** 'Ashley' **_she blurted out and then literally smacked herself for even opening her mouth_**. 'I mean, my name is Ashley.' **_That's better she thought_**. **_

The other girl smiled at her and Ashley thought her world would never be the same. '_**Spencer'**_ the other girl replied. Ashley liked it. Boy names for girls were cute and in this situation ironic. Ashley was such a common girl name and here she was looking boyish in the way she did and there was Spencer looking as girly and beautiful as ever with a very boy name.

The girls sat there awkwardly. This is where Ashley was not the greatest. Girls scared the crap out of her. She was surprised she said her right name. palms sweaty and mouth dry whenever a girl so much as smiled at her. If that's bad it was twenty thousand times worse with this girl. She was the cutes thing Ashley had ever seen and she was seating right in front of her and so very close. _**'Umm hi…' **_Ashley said letting the end of her hi hang in the air like a final not of an awkward ballad. '_**Hi.' **_Spencer replied laughing a bit but not in a mean way but in a way that said 'you may continue,' which went over Ashley's head.

Ashley sat there awkwardly scolding herself in her head at how nervous she was being. She was ridiculous but that was Ashley. She sighed but more to herself and laid her head back onto the safe window and she let her mind be eased by the calming vibrations again. If Spencer minded she didn't let on and after watching the other girl for a moment in curiosity she went back to reading. If Ashley had been paying attention to something other that Spencer's blue eyes she would of noticed that she was reading one of her favorite books. Annie on my Mind.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

The train ride was longer than she remembered although how she can even remember little details like that was beyond her. The last time she made this trip with her mom, she was around the six maybe seven.

She didn't know how long she had her eyes closed but when her eyes started fluttering open there was no longer a sun to blind her eyes. She checked her watch and did the math, four hours down and probably four more to go. After stretching, rather loudly, she remembered that she wasn't alone in this little cubby, and she sheepishly smiled at the already watching blonde. _**"sorry" **_Ashley let out breathlessly as she had let her realization scare her into holding her breath.

There was something about this girl that Ashley couldn't shake. If she was being honest it was as if she wasn't even dreaming while she was sleeping. That the entire time she was snoozing all that laced her dreams was this very scene. The two of them sitting across from each other just staring oddly. One peaking over a book and the other glancing every now and then from the window she was using to look less creepy.

This girl, Spencer, made Ashley nervous. She would make any girl loving girl nervous. She was beautiful in a way that the more you examined her the more you found appealing. It kind of snuck up on you in a way that transformed you.

Spencer pulled out a baggy of what looked like a chex-mix of sorts and Ashley realized at that moment just how hungry she was. Spencer must of sensed that Ashley was salivating because she waved the bag in front of Ashley giving her the invitation to take a handful. Ashley shook her head and without thinking let her natural sarcasm fly _**"my mom always told me to never take food from strangers" **_surprising Ashley, Spencer gave it right back to her _**"We aren't strangers, remember that wonderful conversation we had a few hours ago?"**_ Both girls smiled and Ashley grabbed a handful thinking that she liked this girl already.

"_**Yeah sorry about that, I can be a bit articulate at times." **_Ashley looked down sheepishly as she confessed and decided on which piece to eat first. "_**That's ok, everyone can get a bit… articulate, at times."**_ The way Spencer spoke, it was easy to see she was amused by Ashley's behavior. The girl was nervous obviously, but Spencer could see something else to. Something she couldn't explain. The girl was guarded, complex, and different. It intrigued Spencer more than she was willing to admit, especially since she had only known the girls name.

It wasn't hard to notice that Ashley was different. You could just look at her clothing, (baggy jeans, plaid button up shirt, matching shoes and hat) and tell that this girl, liked girls, and even though Spence herself liked girls too, she wasn't use to being around someone who was, for the lack of a better work, obvious. Leakesville is a small town, and even though Spencer had never been confronted about her sexuality, it had been a struggle coming out, and an even bigger struggle telling her mother, but she was coming around. It helped that nobody could actually hate Spencer, she just had that kind of personality. It was clear that Spencer could have any girl if she put her mind to it, but none of them ever held her interest. None captivated her like the girl sitting in front of her.

"_**Thank you" **_Ashley said while motioning in a way to let Spencer know she was talking about the delicious snack. Spencer smiled in return and offered a quiet _**'You're welcome." **_

Ashley contemplated whether or not she should continue talking to the other girl or not and finally decided to keep it light.

"_**What part are you at?"**_

"_**What?"**_

"_**In your book?"**_

"_**oh umm.."**_

"_**It's one of my favorites, I can't tell you how many times I've read it. If I counted I would probably be embarrassed."**_

"_**It's my favorite too, I'm sure I've read it at least six times."**_

Both girls looked slightly embarrassed. Annie on my Mind isn't exactly a common read for a straight girl and the fact it was both of their favorite books meant that they had another common interest. It was like a secret code being spilled but neither of them had to say a thing. They smiled at each other kind of inviting each other into the club.

"_**So what part?"**_

"_**oh I'm just at the part where they meet up for the first time."**_

"_**I love how odd they are together. I always liked that they could play around and not care about what anyone else thought. Not many people can do that, you know?"**_

"_**Yeah me too. It was like even from the beginning everything and everybody disappeared."**_

"_**They where so weird, but in a good way. It made me realize that no matter how weird I got somebody was bound to want to get weird with me."**_

"_**You don't seem so weird to me."**_

"_**Give it time Spencer. You'll see it."**_

"_**Who says I want to see it?"**_

Ashley opened her mouth and then closed it, and then opened it and closed it again. She didn't know what exactly to say. What could you say. She was panicking and Spencer loved it. Loved the effect she had on Ashley just by teasing her a bit. Spencer reached over and grabbed one of Ashley's now sweating palms and quietly told her to _**"relax I was just picking."**_ Ashley calmed down immediately and was a little astonished by the calming effect Spencer had on her. One second this girl had Ashley's boxers in a twist and the next second she made it all untwisted. Ashley didn't like it. Well she liked it, but didn't like it at the same time.

She was confused. Almost 8 hours ago she didn't know this girl. Didn't know she existed, but here she was confusing her in a way that felt like she was living again. In a way a normal teenager was suppose to feel after getting a little crush. In a way Ashley never had time for before and now had all the time in the world.

The girls shared a little laugh and continued to talk about their favorite book and then moved on to other beloved books. Both found they loved to read even if it was just easy reading love stories. You could look at Spencer and you wouldn't be surprised to find out that she loved the romantics but Ashley, was more of a closeted romantic than she was a closeted lesbian.

The train jerked to a stop that wasn't the smoothest, effectively making the girls stop talking and realize how long they had been talking and caring on. The train became loud and bustling as other passengers grabbed their bags and made their way to the exits. Spencer and Ashley stood up at the same time, wordlessly grabbing their bags and waiting for the line to brake so they could slip in.

Finally when one to the other passengers let her out, Spencer grabbed Ashley's shirt to scoot in making both of their hearts race and the little contact. To Ashley it felt oddly nice to be touched by someone that wasn't consoling her over her lose. To Spencer it was nice to just be able to reach out to someone who was more interesting than the small town she had lived in for as long as she had been born. Ashley may have been born and raised in a small town herself, but she was never small town, she was always different, always more.

Wordlessly they exited the train, and while Spencer looked for her family, Ashley began her hunt for her new beginning. A fresh start where she didn't know where to begin. As Ashley walked toward the exit of the station she felt someone tap her shoulder. She turned around to met a hand outstretched and a smiling blonde.

"_**It was nice to meet you Ashley"**_

Grabbing her hand in a light hand shake. Firmly enough to let Spencer know she wanted to shake it but gentle enough not to brake her hand.

"_**It was nice meeting you too, Spencer."**_

They shared one more smile and turned to walk in the opposite direction. With every step Ashley made toward leaving she berated herself for not getting the blondes number or asking her out or something, anything, other than a goodbye.

"_**Ashley! Wait up!" **_Ashley stopped and turned around and meet blue eyes again. The blonde was nervous, which was odd, seeing as the whole time it had been Ashley being nervous and Spencer being nonchalant and a tease. "_**Yeah, Spencer?" "Umm do you like coffee?" **_Ashley smiled the biggest smile Spencer had seen the girl produce so far and replied _**"I love coffee." **_Spencer smiled just as big as Ashley had and pulled a pen out of her pocket. She grabbed Ashley's hand, sending chills up both of their bodies and wrote her number and name on the inside of Ashley's palm. _**"You didn't have to write your name Spencer, I couldn't forget it even if I tried." "Just in case some other girl gets your attention." "Unlikely"**_ But Spencer didn't hear her as she was already walking away towards what looked like her family. She stopped and called over her shoulder _**"Don't forget to use that number."**_

Ashley just shook her head yes like an idiot and smiled the whole way out of the station. There was many things Ashley needed to get in order. Like finding a place to live, buying a car, or getting a job, but at this moment in time the number one thing on her mind was buying a cell phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

_**Dear Mom,**_

_**I had that dream again. The one where the sun is setting, one of those perfect sun sets, where you can see nothing but bright pinks and purples reflecting yellow and blue. I'm a little girl again and you're holding my hand and we are just standing there looking off into the beautiful sky, when all of a sudden it turns black and cold, and then you're gone. You're being ripped from my hand and I'm sinking deeper and deeper into this hole. I'm shouting for you but all you do is stare at me. Its not hard to figure out what this dream means. I don't think I need a PHD from a fancy college to understand this. I want that moment back. That moment where I'm a little girl holding my mommy's hand and feeding the ducks. Its that exact moment that made me decide to even come here. Mom, if you can hear me, if you can see me know, please just let me find peace again. Let me find a place to belong, a place that hasn't been tainted by bad memories and pain. Please let me find a place to begin again. Please. **_

Christine Woods was a type of women that any mother or friend could of ever wanted to be. She was the women that was the glue to everybody and in the messed up world we live in today, she was the center of all good that you could ever hope for in this world. When her child came to her, needing her support, no matter what she had been taught, she supported her one hundred and fifty million percent. She was understanding and loyal and loved her small family very much.

On the other hand, she wasn't always a 'great' person. She, at one point, had a very bad drug problem and loved to party like every night was her last. She was raised by a selfish women who didn't know how to be a mother herself, so when she found out she was pregnant, there was no where for her to run. She always said that her little girl wasn't only a miracle from God, but that her little bundle of joy, saved her life one smile at a time.

Even though, by definition Christine was a groupie and slept with musician, she was young and in love and thought that they would be together forever living it up on the road traveling their life away and having a blast. Like most young and in love didn't last, as the musician went from begging bars and parties to let him play, to selling out coliseums'.

Raife Davies was a dreamer who didn't even know how to take care of himself unless he had a bottle of Jack in one of his hands. He dreamed of playing loud and partying even louder and when one dream became real on a large scale nothing else mattered. Not even his first and only love or the baby they made together. Raife has only cried two times in his life. One being the day Ashley was born and the second was when he walked away from his dying ex-lover, leaving Ashley to pick up the pieces. He was found dead a couple days later.

Ashley doesn't have a lot to say about her father, you can't really morn a stranger. He was a scared little boy trapped inside of a mans body that didn't want to grow up. But he loved her mother, no matter how he didn't show it. Ashley will always believe that he killed himself, not matter what the tabloids said. He took to many pills just so he could die first just so he didn't have to be on this planet without her.

A rockstar and a groupie made Ashley. The rockstar ran away and the groupie turned into an angel just by looking into her beautiful daughters brown eyes.

Ashley hadn't stopped thinking about Spencer. "Don't forget to use that number" the last words Spencer had said to her rang through her ears every time it had been quiet. She had skipped looking for a house or a car and went straight to buying a cell phone just to sit in a cold hotel room and stare at it. Should she call or text was the biggest questions running through her mind, which was a nice distraction to the usual thoughts that she was use to. In this situation a normal person would call their best friend and ask what to do but she didn't have one and the family she had just didn't seem like family anymore since her mom died. She even pulled out her computer and asked Google what to do, then laughed at herself and decided to just call her. Calling was a lot better than texting in her opinion. More personal and she defiantly wanted to be more personal.

Sweating hands and stumbling fingers dialed the number she had copied down onto paper and she waited for an answer. The phone range three times and then the very recognizable voice of a certain blonde answered.

"_**Hi there train buddy" **_Spencer's voice brought a smile to her face almost before she even heard it.

"_**How did you know it was me" **_Ashley questioned but knew that it didn't take a genius to figure it out.

"_**Well I didn't know the number and you're the only person I've given my number to" **_See simple enough Ashley thought

"_**Well now I feel privileged" **_And Ashley did feel privileged. In fact she felt more so. This girl seriously was the most beautiful girl Ashley had ever seen and she seemed to just become more beautiful as time passed.

"_**Oh you should" **_Spencer smiled even wider into the phone, she liked this girl, she liked her as soon as she caught sight of her. Ashley was like a magnet and it seemed to Spencer that nobody had ever realized it, let alone told her this, and that thought saddened her and made her wonder how stupid and blind people where.

"_**Well consider me flattered" **_Spencer smiled bigger, if possible, and realized that she was scared by the effect this girl had on her. To soon Spencer she kept saying to herself.

"_**I like this version of you better" **_And she did

"_**What do you mean?" **_Ashley asked but already knew the answer. She was actually talking and making sense at the same time.

"_**Well this version talks" **_Phones are safer, Ashley thought.

"_**That's because you cant see me. In person you can be a little intimidating**_"

"_**Do I make you nervous?" **_Ashley almost laughed at how much

"_**Yeah you can say that." **_I wont say why, Ashley promised herself.

"_**And why is that?"**_

"_**Beautiful girls have a tendency to do that" **_Or not, Ashley literally smacked herself

"_**Wow I don't know what to say to that sparky. You need to talk a walk, cool off"**_

"_**Walks are boring alone." **_

"_**This version of you is flirty. I kind of like it. But if you don't stop I wont be able to take a walk with you"**_

"_**Why is that, Spencer" **_

"_**Because I refuse to let you make me blush. Its too early for all that." **_

"_**I agree…. but if you take a walk with me I promise not to compliment you or even be nice to you at all"**_

"_**I don't know if I can trust you"**_

"_**You can. Please I need a tour guide. There's a lot of things I need to do and I have no **_

_**idea where anything is." **_

"_**That sounds like work"**_

"_**I'll buy you that coffee we talked about.."**_

"_**Ok I'm in. where are you staying."**_

"_**The town inn"**_

"_**Oh god leave now"**_

"_**Its not that bad"**_

"_**I'll be out side in 30 minutes. Is that enough time"**_

"_**That's plenty ill see you then Spencer. Thank you." **_

"_**Your welcome bye ash"**_

"_**Bye…" **_Ashley was to taken aback by the nickname that her bye was drowned out by a dial tone.

Thirty minutes wasn't very long, especially since Ashley had no idea what to wear. When she moved she really didn't bring that much with her, so she settled on a black v-neck, light washed lightly baggy jeans, and her chucks. She waited the appropriate time and walked out of the hotel walking with her head down staring at her chucks keeping a fast pace. Spencer was already waiting and Ashley didn't know how someone could look so relaxed and so beautiful at the same time. She was just standing there with the wind slightly blowing her hair out of place and in that moment she was making a memory. A memory she would always remember. Blue eyes meet brown and all of a sudden Ashley wasn't staring at her shoes anymore, she was captivated and being pulled in.

"_**Well don't you look disgusting" **_Ashley said trying to keep her promise to not compliment her. _**"I mean that shirt and your eyes, wow just hideous." **_

Spence smiled back and replied _**"Come on Sparky, we have a lot to do."**_

"_**Lead the way Spencer"**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Authors Notes: **_Thank you all so much for reading this and a special thanks to everyone that reviewed. It means more to me than you could imagine. This is kind of based on my story and it feels amazing to get it out on paper. So keep reading and please review!

_**Disclaimer: **_Because I haven't done this yet and probably should of. The story is mine but the characters and anything related to South of Nowhere is not.

Chapter Three

Ashley didn't like using her fathers name to get anything, let alone special treatment. If she couldn't get it on her own then she didn't want it bad enough. She had an ego at times and it was hard for her to swallow her pride, but when it came to getting out of the hotel she was currently staying in she was happy to sign a check using the last name he gave her.

Spencer watched Ashley all day with curiosity as she watched her spend money left and right. She wondered how someone, that had to be around her age, had that much money just laying around. Where was Ashley's family and friends and why did she always seem to be just a huge mystery all the time.

They ended up at a little diner that Spencer picked out, stating that it was the only place in town that had remotely decent coffee. It was just a little hole in the wall place, typical for towns like this. It was a simple place with a simple name, decorated in plain colors with train pictures covering the walls. It wasn't very big at all but anywhere there was a place it would fit there was a stool or a seat waiting to be occupied. Spencer walked almost expertly to a booth all the way in the corner and sat down like she had done this a million times before. Ashley while sitting down facing Spencer, took note that this must be her usual spot and that she must come here often. There were about four waitresses working all of which where in the late 40s or early 50s and all of which knew Spencer and said a personal hello.

Ashley was out of her element here and felt a little out of place. It was new and unfamiliar to her and she couldn't exactly decide whether or not she liked it here so far. It only took one look at Spencer's smile for Ashley to realize that out of all the place, she felt there was no other place she would rather be. Spencer was happy to have Ashley here with her. She felt curious about Ashley and the time together they had spent today. She wanted answers to all the questions she hadn't asked yet, but at this moment she was just happy the other girl was here with her. It was like she was sharing a new experience with Ashley and introducing her to her world.

Spencer could tell that Ashley was nervous and that she was a nervous person in general. But right now sitting in the booth right across from her, Ashley looked so tiny and childlike. Ashley had a persona about herself, she carried herself in a very guarded way, with visible walls around her at all times. In a way it was mysterious and in an unexplainable way Spencer was drawn to her.

Ashley wasn't Spencer's normal 'type' she normally went for more feminine girls that wore short skirts and had long silky hair. Ashley was nothing like that. She could tell where people could mistake her for a guy, she wore the cloths and fit the part. She walked with the cockiness that guys did but held no arrogance in her eyes. Spencer was sitting across from her studying her every feature, and while she understood the mistake of calling her sir she saw the softness of her skin and the smoothness of her hands, but it was her eyes that really did it for Spencer. It scared her at how unexpected Ashley was but she couldn't help but find Ashley incredibly sexy.

Janet, one of the older ladies, walked over with a pen and tablet ready to take there order. _**"Hello Spencer, and who is your little friend here?" **_Spencer smiled lovingly back and Janet and replied _**"This is Ashley, she just moved into the house up on Raven Point near Lovers Leap." **_Janet looked surprised at this and addressed Ashley _**"Well that's lovely dear, you and your family should come on down here and we will give y'all a warm welcoming"**_ Ashley's eyes changed for a split second at the word family but quickly recovered. _**"Yes ma'am we will. Thank you very much." **_Janet seemed please with the politeness of Ashley's response. "_**I take it you two want some coffee, I'll get that for you while the newbie looks the menu over." **_She smiled and disappeared behind the counter leaving Spencer and Ashley in comfortable silence.

Janet was back before the girls even began talking and quietly set the cups down in front of them and said she would be back whenever they were ready to order. Ashley played with her cup adding very little cream and sugar and played with the rim of the cup, doing everything she could except look at Spencer. She knew she would have to answer questions sooner or later she just preferred later. It wasn't so much that she didn't want to answer Spencer, it was more that she didn't want to relive and she liked the fact that Spencer was new and didn't know. It was nice not seeing pity in everyone's eyes when they looked at you. Whether or not she liked later, she knew now was better and beat Spencer to the punch.

"_**I know you have some questions…"**_

"_**What do you mean"**_

"_**I can hear you thinking of how to ask me from over here, your brain is so loud"**_

"_**I'm sorry, its just that you are like this huge secret that I'm trying to figure out"**_

"_**The easy thing to do would be just to ask"**_

"_**Well I'm not easy…I didn't want to like scare you away or offend you"**_

Ashley smiled at her not being easy comment and contemplated whether or not to say something smart back but decided against it.

"_**You wont I promise"**_

"_**Are you sure?" **_At this point in Ashley's life, as little of a life it had been, she didn't think there was anything anyone could tell her that would offend her.

"_**Yes Spencer ask away"**_

"_**Well I mostly just want to know who you are exactly, I mean how old are you even"**_

This question took Ashley by surprise so much so that Spencer could actually tell and wondered to herself if Ashley had anyone in her life that asked her about herself.

"_**That wasn't what I was expecting but I'm 19 and I am Ashley Nicole Davies. **_

Ashley slightly smiled knowing that, that answer wasn't exactly what Spencer had meant but couldn't help but let her smart ass flag fly.

"_**Ok smart ass… what I meant was that all you had to do was tell people who you were and then they were jumping at the chance to help you. I feel like I'm missing something."**_

"_**Well you kind of are…. Do you know who Raife Davies is?"**_

"_**No I don't think so, why?"**_

Ashley couldn't help but love that fact that Spencer had no idea about who her father was. That just meant that she was sitting here with her and spending time with her and she didn't want inside information on his death or memorabilia. Which weirdly enough for Ashley, since she didn't know her father well, happened a lot.

"_**Oddly enough, I like that you don't know who he is... Anyway he was the lead singer to a pretty popular 80s rock band, Whitesnake hair and tight leather pants and all…" **_after a long pause as she finished _**"…and he was my dad." **_

"_**Well that explains the money thing but it doesn't explain where he is?"**_

"_**Well… he died almost three years ago. He overdosed on some pills."**_

The look on Spencer's face was the exact reason why she didn't want to tell her. It was nice being a mystery. It was nice not seeing that pity in someone's eyes.

"_**Im sorry Ashley … See this is why I didn't want to ask.'' I'm sorry for bringing it up" **_Spencer said while stumbling slightly over her words.

"_**Its ok Spencer if I didn't want to tell you eventually I wouldn't of spent all day with you"**_

"_**I'm still sorry… and I'm almost afraid to ask, but where's your mom"**_

Spencer noticed this look in Ashley's for the second time today. It wasn't there when she had mentioned her father but as soon as she felt like the conversation was leading towards her mother, Spencer noticed.

"_**She passed away too. A little over a year ago." **_

"_**I don't know what to say" **_And she didn't. Spencer had never even lost a goldfish. She tried to understand but she knew there was no need to even try. She wanted to hold this girl and comfort her, but Ashley seemed to be more of the holder not the one being held. So Spencer did what she thought was the next best thing and reached over and held Ashley's hand and just like she thought she would, Ashley turned her hand over and held Spencer's instead, drawing little circles on her soft knuckles. Ashley wasn't much for being consoled but she had to admit she loved the feeling of Spencer's hand in hers. Comfort wasn't welcomed easily by Ashley but this contact was nice for a change.

"_**You don't have to say anything. I'm grateful that you care though. Its nice to be comforted by someone who doesn't really have any obligations to me"**_

"_**Well for what its worth I'm sorry… And if you would like, I wouldn't mind holding your hand everyday."**_

"_**Well for what its worth back, I wouldn't mind you holding my hand everyday"**_

The girls got caught up in each other. They held each others gazes for what seemed like years but was only seconds. Neither one knowing what to say now but loving the silence at the same time. Janet was seen coming back toward them from the corner of Ashley's eyes and she went to pull her hand back but Spencer just held on tighter. Spencer smiled at the older woman and ordered for both of them never letting Ashley pull away. The distraction served as a good opportunity to let Ashley get the attention off of her.

"_**Well now that you somewhat know my depressing story that explains my lack of parental guidance and abundance of money how about you tell me about your family"**_

As depressing as it really was, Spencer loved how Ashley smiled and joked even when she knew it hurt. It showed just how humble Ashley was. But apart of Spencer wanted to see all of Ashley. Even the bad. But for now she would keep it light.

"_**Ok. My dad is great. He works at the community center here and runs a nonprofit organization that works toward the stopping of bullying. My mom is the number one veterinarian here in town. She loves her job very much but it takes a lot of her time so I can definitely say I am closer with my dad."**_

"_**Siblings?"**_

"_**Yeah I have two older brothers. Glen is 23 and is a gym teacher at the high school and a knuckle head. My other brother Clay is adopted and is 21 and goes to Yale, he got the brains out of those two"**_

"_**how old are you"**_

"_**I'm 17 and a senior"**_

"_**Oh damn! You are young!" **_Ashley joked

"_**I am not, I'm very mature for my age"**_

"_**I can see that"**_

"_**What's that suppose to mean"**_

"_**That your mature"**_

"_**I don't believer you"**_

"_**I wouldn't either... So you know why I was on a 8 hour train ride, but why were you?"**_

"_**I was just getting back from a 4H camp for aspiring vets. That's what I've always wanted to do. In a way that's the only thing my mom and I have in common but our relationship has always been strained and when I came out it just made It worse, but we are doing a lot better."**_

"_**Oh so you're gay?"**_

"_**Oh don't act like you didn't know"**_

"_**Well your favorite book is **__**Annie on my Mind **__**so I had suspicions but I didn't want to assume or ask really"**_

"_**And you couldn't tell by the flirting or the fact that we are still holding hands?" **_Spencer pointed out while lifting their hands up like showing evidence.

"_**I guess I just didn't notice"**_

"_**Your oblivious"**_

"_**That I am. So how was your dad when you came out?"**_

"_**Nice subject change"**_

"_**I do what I can"**_ Ashley smiled like she had won, and Spencer just shook her head letting her have this win.

"_**He has been great. More than anyone could ask for but he has always been supportive of all of us. What about your parents? Did they know?"**_

"_**My mom actually told be one day, that I was. I guess she knew we where running out of time so she brought it up one day and she told me she had always known even if I wasn't sure and that she loved me no matter what. And my dad I never really knew. I mean I knew his name and his music but that's about it." **_

"_**I glad she told you she knew that must have been a great feeling to just know that she loved you that much"**_

"_**If there was one thing I knew and know today, its that she loved me very much. Thank you for saying that though, its nice to just talk with someone like this." **_

Their food came and was demolished. They ate and talked over their burgers and fries for hours, making each bite in between laughter and more flirting. Things became lighter and just fun and even after the food was gone there was cup after cup of coffee to drink and talk more over. Before they had realized it, it was about time for the diner to close and they had literally been there for almost 4 hours. Ashley made sure to leave a very nice tip and drove Spencer home.

After finally making it to Spencer's house, no help from Spencer's horrible direction giving, they pull up to a nice two story white house that looked like to have blue shutters, but Ashley couldn't really tell since it was already dark. Before Spencer could unbuckle and reach for the door handle of the truck Ashley just bought, Ashley was already there with the door opened and ready to help Spencer out. Ashley was a gentleman of sorts and walked Spencer to her porch. When they reached the door, Ashley took notice of how homey the house really was. She turned toward Spencer and awkwardly started to rub the back of her neck and arms, a nervous habit, Spencer had already picked up on.

"_**Can I put away the no compliments rule for two minutes?"**_

"_**Yeah why not Sparky"**_

"_**I just wanted to tell you that its been really nice to be apart of the world of the living, even if its just been for a day. And I hope that maybe we can hang out again. You're kind of amazing. You know, just a little bit."**_

Spencer couldn't help but smile at Ashley's nervousness and subconsciously let there hands meet once more and she squeezed Ashley's hands in reassurance.

"_**You're pretty amazing too Ashley. I'll call you tomorrow, is that ok?"**_

"_**Yeah that's perfect. Is my two minutes up?"**_

"_**Almost. How about you give me a hug for the rest of it."**_

"_**I can do that"**_

Ashley slowly steps closer to Spencer giving her time to back out if she wanted to and when she doesn't and their arms find themselves gently wrapped around each other both sigh into the hug and enjoy the warmth the other person gives off. Spencer wondering how someone who has been through so much can still be so warm, how someone with such a rough and misleading exterior can be so gentle and beautiful. Ashley on the other hand was to worried to hold to tight for she didn't want Spencer to realize how unworthy her hands where.

When they finally released each other and Ashley went to walk back to her truck she felt dizzy as if she was walking on marshmallows and slightly tripped over air.

"_**You didn't see that"**_

"_**Yes I did. Ill call you tomorrow Ash"**_

"_**Bye Spence"**_

From the comfort of her porch Spencer watches with a cute smile playing on her lips as she watches Ashley get into her truck and drive off. _**"This is to fast for me to feel this much"**_ she says to the silence she is left with. As Ashley drives off she looks back at the other girl thinking a variation of the same thing, but she cant help but stare in the rearview mirror with a very similar smile on her lips.

Ashley learned three things today. One, maybe living as a walking corpse isn't as permanent as she thought. Two, she hadn't smiled so much in she didn't know how long, her cheeks actually hurt. And lastly, she loved the way Spencer said her name.


End file.
